Question for Stephen:

Hi Stephen,

My name is Tamra, I’m 21, and I live in Atlanta, Georgia. I can’t decide between two men in my life. My goal is to have a long, happy marriage. John is 20 and always trying to make me laugh when I see him at the hang out spot my friends and I go to. He is very good looking, fit and muscular, gets all As in school without even trying, and wants to be a doctor. Dan is 23 and is pursuing me too. He is also good looking and fit, friendly, and smart. Even though I have little interest in him because he flunked out of college and is having difficulty finding employment, my gut is telling me Dan may be better for me.

I’ve not dated either of them yet. Which one should I choose?

Stephen’s Reply:

Hi Tamra,

I can understand your dilemma. Love life indecision is very common.

Do you realize that in 60 years it will be common for people to live past 100 years old? Unfortunately, it’s just not realistic in this era to expect a relationship to last and be compatible for 70 years, especially if it begins when you are under the age of 30 or 40. In the past it was, but that was because most couples needed each other to survive and divorce wasn’t an option.

You are jumping the gun. I don’t blame you for trying to avoid dating hassles, but they are part of the dating and relationship process, and part of karma. You can’t completely skip the negative karmic experiences if you want to enjoy the positive ones.

I suspect that you are intuitive. Use your intuition when you date. If it doesn’t feel right, move on. If it does, enjoy the moment, see where it goes (instead of trying to force it into a specific direction) and don’t worry about marriage yet. You’ll be surprised about how much more enjoyable dating can be without expectations and agendas.

To answer your question, neither men are ready to even start thinking about walking down the isle, and probably won’t truly be until after age 30 or even 40, like a large percentage of males if they knew themselves well and were honest about what they really wanted. What most men really want is not strict, life-long monogamy for 70 years, unless the match is extremely compatible for life, and most are not once you peel away the initial romantic illusion. Sorry if that sounds negative, but it’s what I’ve found in my many years of research. I’d rather have you keep this in the back of your mind than waste time and experience heart-ache trying to rope a young guy into something he’s not ready for yet.

You will have better options in the coming years. I don’t feel now is the time for you to “settle down” for the rest of your life.

Copyright © 2012 Stephen Petullo

Republican presidential contender Newt Gingrich, according to his second wife Marianne, asked her for an open marriage or divorce so he could continue seeing Callista, who is now his wife.

I don’t personally know Newt or Marianne, but here’s my intuitive and objective impression about what may have happened: After being married for a number of years, the attraction and, or chemistry between Newt and Marianne was gone. One or both of them lost interest in their sex life and, or they grew apart. He, no longer willing to pretend they were not merely roommates with wedding rings, tried to compromise by asking for permission to see someone else and if she wouldn’t agree, wanted a divorce. She dragged her feet, refused to accept reality and instead clung desperately to what her marriage “should” be, even though it wasn’t. She still holds a grudge because things didn’t work out the way she wanted.

Regardless of whether this is what really transpired, a similar scenario is quiet common in America. Unfortunately, strict life-long monogamy is not always realistic for many people and most relationships are not meant to be “forever”. It’s time to stop using the excuse of a marriage license and what “should” be to ignore reality.

Copyright © 2012 Stephen Petullo

An advocacy group in New Jersey is working to change alimony laws that are unfair to the payer, they say.

“Lifetime alimony and the family court system in New Jersey are driving real people to the brink,” says Tom Leustek, president and founder of New Jersey Alimony Reform. “My own divorce resulted in a lifetime alimony order in 2008. I remember during one of the court hearings, the judge saying to me, ‘It’s not fair, but it’s the law.’”

Leustek, a professor at a local university, says that many of New Jersey’s alimony laws are outdated because they were made in the 1940s and 1950s when women were largely stay-at-home mothers and men were considered the main income earner.

Under the current law, spouses are rewarded lifetime alimony for marriages that lasted as little as ten years, even if the alimony recipient is the one who caused or initiated the divorce. Also, the amount paid out does not change even if the payer’s income is significantly lower in the years after the divorce.

Linda Zampino, who was divorced in 2008, is unable to change jobs or accept a retirement package unless the judge approves the alimony terms. She also has to pay for a life insurance policy to ensure that her ex will receive his alimony payment in case of her death. “My lawyer told me that marriage in New Jersey is not based on morals or standards; it’s a financial agreement,” Zampino said. “I didn’t realize how heavily the state was involved when a marriage breaks up.”

She’s exactly right. Because of the divorce laws, marriage is now a business and financial agreement. Makes you think twice about investing in a deal in which you have a 50% chance of losing half your future assets, doesn’t it?

Read the news article here : http://www.foxnews.com/politics/2012/01/11/new-jersey-looks-to-update-alimony-rules-after-advocacy-groups-shudder-at/#ixzz1jaq1cGjj

Copyright © 2012 Stephen Petullo

In a New York Post article titled Cheap Dates; How the ‘price’ of sex has dropped to new record lows, the author attempts to build up the dysfunctional notion that men only want sex and women need to trap them into marriage.

The author writes, “So, what can women do to return the balance of sexual power in their favor? Stop putting out, experts say. If women collectively decided to cross their legs, the price of sex would soar and women would regain control of the market.”

This statement implies that only men like sex and that women are inferior, so inferior that they have to buy marriage with sex. How archaic.

Most younger people today accept that the girls are equal to the boys.

Why does there need to be a bargaining chip for women? If the couple is truly compatible, they don’t need to play such games.

If you are a man who has an average to high sex drive and are dating a woman who does not, get out before it’s too late.

If you are a man who thinks that women don’t like sex as much as men, you may want to reconsider why you think that.

If you are a man who thinks you need to earn sex from women by buying her dinners, trips, jewelry, or sucking up to her, it’s time to get some self-esteem.

If you are a woman who thinks you need to use sex as a bargaining chip with men, unless you’re a prostitute, it’s time to stop pretending you don’t like sex.

If you are a woman who doesn’t feel equal to men, it’s time to consider why.

Read more: http://www.nypost.com/p/news/opinion/opedcolumnists/cheap_dates_EnfcHi7NwBAkD3RYMUWv6I#ixzz1ivwyy18

An advocacy group in New Jersey is working to change alimony laws that are unfair to the payer, they say.

“Lifetime alimony and the family court system in New Jersey are driving real people to the brink,” says Tom Leustek, president and founder of New Jersey Alimony Reform. “My own divorce resulted in a lifetime alimony order in 2008. I remember during one of the court hearings, the judge saying to me, ‘It’s not fair, but it’s the law.’”

Leustek, a professor at a local university, says that many of New Jersey’s alimony laws are outdated because they were made in the 1940s and 1950s when women were largely stay-at-home mothers and men were considered the main income earner.

Under the current law, spouses are rewarded lifetime alimony for marriages that lasted as little as ten years, even if the alimony recipient is the one who caused or initiated the divorce. Also, the amount paid out does not change even if the payer’s income is significantly lower in the years after the divorce.

Linda Zampino, who was divorced in 2008, is unable to change jobs or accept a retirement package unless the judge approves the alimony terms. She also has to pay for a life insurance policy to ensure that her ex will receive his alimony payment in case of her death. “My lawyer told me that marriage in New Jersey is not based on morals or standards; it’s a financial agreement,” Zampino said. “I didn’t realize how heavily the state was involved when a marriage breaks up.”

She’s exactly right. Because of the divorce laws, marriage is now a business and financial agreement. Makes you think twice about investing in a deal in which you have a 50% chance of losing half your future assets, doesn’t it?

Read the news article here : http://www.foxnews.com/politics/2012/01/11/new-jersey-looks-to-update-alimony-rules-after-advocacy-groups-shudder-at/#ixzz1jaq1cGjj

Copyright © 2012 Stephen Petullo

According to Martha Stout, PhD, author of The Sociopath Next Door, about one out of 25 people is a sociopath, someone who has no conscience and lacks a sense of moral responsibility. They’re often very charming, but will also do whatever they can to get what they want or even intentionally hurt you for their own pleasure.

Whether you’re single and dating or seriously involved, avoid heartache and hassles by understanding the traits of a sociopath with the following test:

True or false? A sociopath…

…looks and acts like a normal person.
…never takes responsibility for her actions.
…when confronted with the outcomes of his behavior, he’ll simply deny it and believe his own lies.
…sees others as “naive” for doing the right thing.
…views their friends, family, and partners as possessions, there to serve her.
…can instantly recognize someone who is honest, trusting, yet vulnerable and will prey upon them.
…appeals for your sympathy.
…isn’t able to feel any empathy for anyone.
…feels bad when he gets caught, but it’s not guilt, he feels bad for himself.

All the above are true.

Guard against sociopaths by paying attention to behavior in addition to what is said, not automatically giving strangers the benefit of the doubt, being suspicious of excessive flattery, and trusting your intuition.

If someone you know has consistently demonstrated the traits of a sociopath, cut your losses and avoid them, if possible.

Our handwriting analyses, comprehensive astrology and numerology readings, and tarot and intuitive readings can also help you identify and avoid a sociopath.

Copyright © 2011 Stephen Petullo

The UK Telegraph reports that marriage is steadily declining, couples are divorcing increasingly later in life, and one in six are living together.

The age at which the largest proportion of the population is divorced was 35 in 1971 and 40 in 1991. Likewise, the percentages of those divorced has also increased: 2.1% of 35-year-olds in 1971, 12.3% of 40-year-olds in 1991, and 17.6% of all 53-year-olds now.

Here are some reader comments, most from men, from below the article which may explain why fewer are choosing to marry, or to marry later in life:

“Modern (especially white) women are unbearable.  I’ve been in 3 long-term relationships,they were all crazy. You’d have to be mad to get involved with a modern, feminist entitlement queen.”

“I know a man who owned a house. His girlfriend moved in with him. They later split up. They had no children. She launched a legal challenge to ownership of the house. She won. He lost his house. Sounds incredible but is true. As yet he has not married. The legal position of men concerning divorce/property ownership/child custody/visitation rights is shocking and truly terrifying.”

“A friend of mine got divorced. They had no kids but she sued for a monthly wage from him despite never having a job herself. She won. he jacked his job in and sits on the dole now.”

“Why should any man marry when UK social policy so penalizes him? I’m rather surprised that so many still do. Some end their blighted lives in penury.”

“I got a very fair deal from the court- a divorce. Why marry? Just find a woman you don’t like and give her a house.”

“I’m scared of getting married because of our left-wing, misandric, feminist dominated legal system. That’s why I’ve been dating the same girl for almost 3 years and we’ve been living together for several months, with no plans in my mind of ever getting down on one knee with a ring. I don’t want to be financially ruined and my (possible future) kids snatched away from me because my wife turned out to be a douche.”

“Marriage is a contract which is anti-man. It bestows rights upon a woman to financially ruin any man. My advice to any young man is: DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES GET MARRIED TO A WOMAN !!!!! Marriage is a one-sided contract!”

“Marriage “’til death us do part” was an artificial construction imposed by the Christian Church on the people. In sensible Anglo Saxon society, it was a short term thing, renewable if wanted by both parties, at intervals. Everyone thinks love will last, but it rarely does. This is a healthy trend in my opinion.”

Read the entire article here: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/relationships/divorce/8924245/One-in-six-cohabiting-as-marriage-rate-declines.html.

Personally, I believe marriage can be very beneficial for both partners over a long period of time, but only if a couple is compatible enough. Unfortunately, we’ve found through our work that this is very, very rare.

Copyright © 2011 Stephen Petullo

A new survey in Britain has found that the number of Catholics looking for affairs is almost twice that of other religions.

This isn’t surprising to me since Catholics are taught that the simple act of confessing will erase their sins. Why should they take responsibility for their actions if all will be forgiven with a quick visit to church? Also, the strict religious rules about sex may actually encourage bad behavior for some people.

Christine Elvin, a Harley Street social therapist, agrees: “In tight structured relationships the pressure is huge, religious boundaries can create many rules and to obey them all could result in some feeling suffocated and tempted to escape so they can feel alive again.”

Rosie Freeman-Jones, a spokesperson for Illicit Encounters, agrees: “Religious people have a much stronger sense of right and wrong, which also means they’re likely to get a bigger thrill from breaking the rules.”

Read the Daily Mail article here: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2064787/Catholics-likely-commit-adultery-Church-England-faithful.html?ito=feeds-newsxml.

Sasha Grey, a former adult film actress, participates in “Read Across America,” reading children’s books to groups of elementary school students. Recently a school where she read received complaints for allowing Grey to be around the children.

Grey, who has refused to quit the program, released the following statement: “I am an actor. I am an artist. I am a daughter. I am a sister. I am a partner. I have a past that some people may not agree with, but it does not define who I am. I believe in the future of our children, and I will remain an active supporter and participant in education-focused initiatives.”

Apparently, some people think that having sex on film is a contagious disease. Exactly how is Ms. Grey going to corrupt the kids by reading to them? It’s not like she’s teaching them sexual techniques or how to get into porn. What about teachers who are gold diggers, divorcees, bartenders, former strippers, or who have had more than one sexual partner? Should only nuns be allowed to be around children in schools?

Sean Loftis, a Florida substitute teacher who starred in gay porn films, recently lost his teaching job. After his employers learned of his past, they claimed he had violated a regulation requiring faculty members to act in a manner “that will reflect credit upon themselves.”

Perhaps he did violate his contract, but this issue still remains: Sex outside of marriage is still seen by many to be wrong. Mr. Loftis didn’t do anything illegal. He had sex with other consenting adults. But since sex, particularly porn, and especially gay porn in America is still perceived to be “dirty” and “bad,” it resulted in him being fired. Sorry, but I fail to see how teen students knowing about his porn past will damage them in any way.

It’s time for America to grow up when it comes to their attitudes about sex.

Unwarranted sexual shame is common. Even a small amount can interfere with your love life, which is why I created my Incredible S.e.x. Hypno-Reiki Meditation audio MP3: http://holisticmakeover.com/bettersexproducts.htm.

Copyright © 2011 Stephen Petullo

A new study affiliated with Exodus International of 61 subjects over seven years found that 23 percent of them were able to successfully “covert” to a heterosexual orientation.

Did they really convert or are they now just ignoring their same-sex attraction? Perhaps even the subjects don’t really know, but it’s my belief that the desire will always be there, and the more you suppress it, the stronger it can become.

Also, it’s my opinion that a considerable percentage of the population is naturally bisexual, so that may explain why the conversion is more successful for some than others. Then there’s spirit possession, which is one possible and rarely considered cause of a sudden sexual orientation change.

The website of the American Psychological Association reads that promotion of change therapy “contributes to a negative climate for lesbian, gay, and bisexual persons.”

“All major national mental health organizations have officially expressed concerns about therapies promoted to modify sexual orientation,” the APA statement says. “To date, there has been no scientifically adequate research to show that therapy aimed at changing sexual orientation is safe or effective.”

By offering this therapy, Exodus International implies, based on religious teachings that are subject to interpretation and that were written by humans long ago during different times, that homosexuality is wrong.

I asked an acquaintance of mine, who happens to be a gay psychiatrist from Thailand, about the idea of changing one’s sexual orientation through therapy. He explained that this is not even an issue in Thailand because the Buddhist religion does not teach that homosexuality is “wrong” or “evil.” There is no need to change who you are attracted to.

Read more about the study here: http://www.christianexaminer.com/Articles/Articles%20Nov11/Art_Nov11_04.html.

Copyright © 2011 Stephen Petullo