HowIsYourLoveLife.com

In a Feb. 14th, 2010 article in the Los Angeles Times called Make it Personal, Keep it Real, experts gave advice about which personal ad profiles get the best response (aside from the obvious factors such as youth and above average attractiveness).

Here’s the full article of dating profile tips: http://www.latimes.com/features/image/la-ig-0214-profile-20100212,0,1242778.story 

“University students whose parents have recently divorced are unscathed by the experience, an English study finds.”

“University of Warwick researchers assessed the productivity and happiness of 270 students, and found little difference between students of recently divorced parents and other students. In fact, some male students actually had higher productivity following their parents’ divorce.”

Full article here: http://www.businessweek.com/lifestyle/content/healthday/636283.html

Based on my personal experience with and observation of divorce, it is my belief that it’s not the act of divorce that harms children, but how the parents behave during the process. Children who observe their parent or parents acting immaturely and unfairly will be influenced by it. The divorcing parents who break-up like mature, responsible and loving adults will show their children that the end of a relationship isn’t the end of the world, and that it can be a wonderful new beginning.

Of course, this can be particularly difficult if one parent is behaving irrationally. In this case, it’s important for the other parent to remember not to react in front of the kids. Even if one parent unfairly turns the kids against the other, most children will eventually see the truth when they get older.

Copyright (c) 2010 Stephen Petullo

If your parents divorced, how did the process influence you? What would you do differently?

If you divorced and have kids, how did it influence them and what did you do to protect them?

(Intuitive reading questions to Stephen)

“We just got married but I know a month prior to us getting married he slept with another female. We have fought about this. He still keeps in contact with this women via facebook skype email etc, I want him to stop all contact with her.

I love him with all my heart, which is why i married him knowing what i know, i just hoped it was a premarriage fling and we would enjoy a happy life after. but i cant get over this and feel so violated and angry at him. I know if he just deletes her from his life I could get over this. Love is stronger that any one night stand and we are a happy couple otherwise. Is he going to cheat on me during our marriage? Will I be happy in this marriage or should I get out now?”

Stephen’s Earth Plane Answer:

By marrying you, assuming you both agreed to a traditional marriage, he agreed to be strictly monogamous and committed to you and only you the rest of your life. If he’s continuing an emotional affair, that violates the rules of your written and verbal contract.

Will he physically cheat? This is why I recommend avoiding marriage until at least age 30. Strict monogamy is not always realistic for many people, especially when married at a young age. Based on the other information you gave me, I don’t feel this man would be happy being strictly monogamous with one person for the rest of his life, so it depends upon how tight you keep the leash.

Keep in mind that it would be a shame to throw away an otherwise good marriage and compatible partner just because he is comfortable loving or lusting after more than one person at a time.

Stephen’s Spiritual Answer:

Love. Everyone loves differently, love means different things to different people, and every love connection is different. Some people are capable of and even happier loving and, or lusting after more than one person at the same time. Love is stronger than any one night stand? That’s assuming that there is no love connection with any one night stand.

Unconditional love = no expectations, no demands, and accepting another as they are. You say you are a happy couple besides this, so perhaps acceptance on your part would be the simplest solution. 

Marriage, too often, implies ownership. That’s not love. You will both be happier with your marriage if you consider each others’ needs and accept each other as you are. Based on the other information you supplied about your husband, he needs more freedom than you. You’ll need to communicate and work with him, without anger, on this issue. It’s also possible that you may subconsciously prefer more freedom, so consider this possibility as well.

Copyright (c) 2010 Stephen Petullo

When ‘interviewing” a new romantic possibility, many singles will ask, “What’s your longest relationship?”

This question is often asked to see if the subject is capable of having a long-term relationship.

What the interviewer may not realize is that someone who has had long-term relationships, and especially those who have them back-to-back with no breaks in-between, may not be ready for a relationship.

As a matchmaker and intuitive consultant, I’ve found that those who are never single for long either have really good love timing (which is very, very rare), are afraid to be alone or can’t leave a relationship for various reasons, even when they want to. They can also have more emotional baggage than someone who’s been single more often.

By the way, this is why I no longer congratulate people who brag about how long their relationship has lasted, though some have earned it and some do have good long-term relationships.

Someone who is very uncomfortable being single looks for a relationship to remedy their “unhappy” situation, and often settles for and stays with someone who is not compatible. To them, even bad relationships or relationships that are clearly over are better than no relationship.

If you want a better love life, the first step is to learn to be happy and feel complete on your own. 

Here are a few related columns we wrote:
Afraid to be Alone: http://www.holisticmakeover.com/March28th2008.htm
Afriad to be Alone Part II: http://www.holisticmakeover.com/April11th2008.htm
Top 17 Joys of Being Single: http://www.holisticmakeover.com/May9th2008.htm

Copyright (c) 2010 Stephen Petullo

What’s the longest you’ve stayed in a relationship after you knew it was over?

Have you ever missed a compatible possibility because you stayed in a relationship you should have left? If so, do you regret not leaving?

Nicole Ellison, an assistant professor in the Department of Telecommuncation, Information Studies and Media at Michigan State University, gauged the difference between what people said in their dating profiles and the truth by comparing the profile information with that of the subject’s drivers license.

The study revealed that most people lie about at least one characteristic.

About 39 percent of the women and 52.6 percent of the men in the study lied about their height.  64.1 percent of the women lied about their weight. 13.1 percent of the women and 24.3 percent of the men  were dishonest about their age. 

Read the full study here: https://www.msu.edu/~nellison/toma_et_al_2008.pdf.

What the study did not mention is that many people post pictures in their dating profiles that don’t look much like they do now, in-person. Flattering angles, 5-10 or more year old pictures, and good lighting can make someone look a lot better in their photos than face-to-face. This, of course, is a bad idea because the people you meet will be disappointed every time. If you look the same or slightly better in-person than your profile pictures, your date will be much more likely to want a second date.

Have you ever met someone in-person from online who looked nothing like their pictures and, or lied in their dating profile? If so, how did you react? Did you mention it to the person?

Copyright (c) 2010 Stephen Petullo

There’s a new dating website that is only for people who are ready to get married.

On the surface, it seems like a good idea and may be ideal for those who are tired of meeting casual daters and people who are not serious about a relationship.

However, here’s why I feel it’s the wrong approach:

1) It’s better to date casually, without an agenda, so you can get to know each other better, instead of focusing on and being distracted by a destination that may not be meant to be, or meant to last.

2) Sometimes those who are overly interested in getting married are those with whom you are better off not entering a legally binding, life-long contract like marriage. For example, the types of people who could potentially be more burdensome than rewarding are those who are in debt, looking for someone to take care of them financially, emotionally dependent, or not happy with their life or themselves.

3) Based on my research, I firmly believe that you meet who you are meant to meet, when you are meant to meet them, and it will last for as long as it’s meant to last. Therefore, marriage isn’t always the best idea for all couples.

4) If people only want to date you casually, there are probably reasons why. Most casual daters will want more with someone if the connection is there and it’s to their advantage too. If there’s no real benefit for them to commit or get married, why should they?

What do you do if you want to get married but have no options?

1) Make the most of yourself (including getting fit physically and emotionally). Yes, appearance is superficial, but in our society, it does matter.
2) Learn to love (okay, at least like) being alone and single and be grateful for the benefits.
3) Make an effort to meet like-minded people.
4) Accept that if it’s not happening now, it will happen when it’s meant to be. A good intuitive consultant and, or numerologist and astrologer can tell you when it’s most likely to happen (and not happen).
5) Enjoy the journey and try not to focus on the destination too much.

Copyright (c) 2010 Stephen Petullo

Have you ever rushed into a marriage? If so, what happened and what was the end result?

If you are happily involved, did you meet your partner when not trying too hard or when you didn’t expect to? How did you meet?

A life-long, harmonious, traditional marriage is sought by most, but has been shown repeatedly by high divorce and infidelity rates and countless unhappy couples to be, too often, an idealistic, unpractical notion defeated by the truth of human nature.

Through our work with personality and cyclical timing assessment, intuitive consulting, and matchmaking, we’ve recognized 10 main types of married people.

Read entire article here: http://www.holisticmakeover.com/Jan15th2010.html.

“The poll of 2,000 women carried out by Yes Mrs Robinson also revealed that a quarter of the women over 40 already have a younger lover.

A cheeky 17 per cent of the UK women surveyed admitted they would have an affair with a younger man if they knew their partner wouldn’t find out – while another 14 per cent confessed they often fantasise about having a man half their age.”

Entire article here: http://www.prweb.com/releases/dating/toy-boy/prweb3522074.htm.