HowIsYourLoveLife.com

A CNN article outlines single stats from the U.S. Census Bureau, and it looks like being single is becoming more and more accepted. This is a good thing, as getting married because everyone else is doing it is a bad idea.

“There are 96 million people in the United States who have no spouse. That means 43 percent of all Americans over the age of 18 are single, according to the U.S. Census Bureau.”

“‘Single’ is defined as adults who have never been married, are divorced or are widowed in the bureau’s America’s Families and Living Arrangements survey of 2009.”

“Of the singletons, 61 percent of them have never said ‘I do.’ Twenty-four percent are divorced and 15 percent are widowed.”

“An increasing number of these single Americans — more than 31 million — are living alone, according to the census. They make up 27 percent of all households, up from 17 percent in 1970.”

“In over 6 million households in 2008, single people were living together without benefit of marriage. Only about half a million were same-sex couples and 38 percent of those had at least one biological child of either partner living with them.”

“More than half of the unmarried Americans are women. And for every 100 single women, there are 88 unmarried men available.”

Read entire article here: http://edition.cnn.com/2010/LIVING/08/19/single.in.america/index.html#fbid=FdtB7EzXMNU&wom=true

According to an article on christwire.org, there are over 2 million hetero couples in America secretly struggling with homosexuality in their marriages (I think that number is higher, especially if you include bisexuality). It’s not clear whether the article, which lists 15 ways to tell if your husband is gay, is satire or not, but some of the points are pretty funny.

#6 states, “Clothes that are too tight and too ‘trendy’: Gay men don’t need words to communicate their availability for sex ‘hook ups.’ They silently broadcast the news by showing off their lean, hard bodies in designer clothing labels. If your husband owns skinny jeans and looks at his buttocks in the mirror or if he wears an inordinate number of small-sized t-shirts, it is probably worthwhile to pay more attention to his private activities.”

# 11: “Sassy, sarcastic and ironic around his friends. A man who is secretly engaged in homosexual activity with others may exhibit feminine qualities when they get together in a group. In a sense, he has “let his hair down” and this will be seen in excessive back talk and speaking with one’s hands.”

The article ends by asking women if they’ve dated men in the past who turned out to be gay: “…you should ask yourself whether you’re honestly looking for a man or just a shopping companion. Is sharing gossip more important to you than raising children? Ultimately, it’s a question of getting your priorities straight!”

Read the entire article here: http://christwire.org/2010/08/is-my-husband-gay/

Michael Dunn, a psychology researcher at the University of Wales Institute in Cardiff, has just released a study that he insists renders the cougar craze a “myth.” After examining the age preferences expressed in 22,400 singles ads on popular dating websites in North America, Europe, Australia and Japan, he found no sizable cohort of women seeking younger men. To the contrary, almost all of them wanted men their own age or older. Nor did he find evidence for the proliferation of cubs: the overwhelming majority of men displayed their eons-old preference for younger women. “I do believe the cougar phenomenon is a myth and, yes, a media construct,” Dunn, who specializes in human evolutionary psychology and mating behavior, told the Australian Associated Press.

What Mr. Dunn doesn’t seem to realize is that cougars generally meet their prey in bars, clubs, and other chance encounters.  Also, cougars typically are not looking for relationships. Most have already experienced marriage and divorce and don’t need security or a sperm donor. They are confident enough to go after what they really want: Fun.

Mr. Dunn based his findings on “popular” dating site statistics, but doesn’t mention specific names of dating sites. The most popular dating sites include Eharmony and match.com, but you’re not going to find cougars prowling on such sites because they attract members who are looking for a relationship.

He also failed to point out that single, never married women under the age of 45 on dating sites are often looking for marriage with a man who can be a provider and, or a good father. Much younger men do not yet fit their requirements.

Read entire article here: http://www.time.com/time/nation/article/0,8599,2011796,00.html?xid=rss-mostpopularemail.

It’s estimated that at least 50% of married women have had an affair. Here are the top 6 reasons:

1. The need to feel special again
2. Less in common with partner
3. Boredom
4. The illusion of love has faded and she realizes she doesn’t know her partner very well
5. Ego
6. Revenge

The most common reason men have affairs is because they want to get off; they can more easily separate sex and love. Yet another reason men should wait until later in life to get married, or find someone who accepts that life-long, strict monogamy is usually unrealistic.

Read entire article here: http://www.modernghana.com/lifestyle/1514/16/6-reasons-why-women-cheat.html.

Dating sites have become very popular in recent years and it’s easy to meet someone online who lives locally, in another state or even half way around the world. Email, instant messaging, video chat, and inexpensive long distance fees make it possible to spend days, weeks, and even months or years interacting without ever meeting in-person.

I hear from people every week who want insight about their long distance “relationship.” They want to know if it’s going to last, if the other person is being faithful, and if they should relocate or if the other person will relocate to be with them. Even though they may feel an intense connection with the person, there’s a good chance they’ll regret all the time spent when they finally meet in-person.

Why? Because mutual, face-to-face compatibility and chemistry are very rare, it’s too easy to project romantic hopes and fantasies onto someone before meeting, and you can only determine if there’s real chemistry by meeting in-person and compatibility if you spend a lot of time together in the same city.

Moral of the story? Since most long distance connections are more about fantasy than reality and go nowhere, date locally and consider long distance contacts nothing more than friends.

Copyright (c) 2010 Stephen Petullo

Most divorce cases are handled in a similar way: Lawyers fighting to get the most for their clients which often results in nasty disputes about custody, child support, property division, and alimony. These experiences just add to the already negative emotions between divorcing couples.

Mediation is one type of friendly divorce. Collaboration is another, in which each side has an attorney but they also use experts and work together for a mutually agreed upon outcome. Couples don’t go to court in either situation, and it’s less emotional and draining for everyone involved.

Traditional divorces can last months or even years and cost both parties (usually paid by the main bread-winner) at least $15,000 to $25,000 just for legal fees.

The average mediated divorce costs $1,000 and takes 70 days, including the state’s required cooling-off period of 60 days.

A collaborative divorce costs more, around $9000, due to the experts involved, like a financial adviser, divorce coach, and psychologist, and takes about 18 weeks.

A do-it-yourself, $39.95 legal kit divorce with no kids involved can cost $500 in court fees.

How parents behave in front of and with the kids before, during, and after, of course, is key for a friendly divorce.

In traditional divorce, even with child support, the kids are often not put first. With friendly divorce, parents are willing to take a more mature and responsible approach and make their children their priority.

What would make this even easier, in my opinion, is doing away with marriage contracts and instead using what I call a “child contract.” This would shift the focus from the stress of trying to conform to a traditional marriage to what should be the main goal of all parents: Raising a healthy, happy, and well adjusted child who has been groomed to become a productive member of society.

Read the USA Today article here http://www.usatoday.com/news/health/2010-07-25-friendly-divorces_N.htm.

Copyright (c) 2010 Stephen Petullo

That’s one of the most common questions asked of psychics. Variations include, “Does she like me?” “Does he feel the same?” and “Is she thinking about me?”

It’s understandable if you don’t want to make the first move out of a fear of being embarrassed or rejected. But it’s really not your right to know what another person is thinking unless they show or tell you.

Sometimes you’ll have to take a risk and make it clear how you feel. If they don’t feel the same, at least you won’t waste anymore time and can move on.

Even if you ask the person directly, out of politeness or shyness you may not get a direct answer.

Here’s what you can do instead: Meditate on whether it’s a good idea for you to make it clear you are interested. You may not get insight right away, but if you pay attention, you will get signs in the following days and weeks.

If you don’t get any indication about how they feel, letting go can work like magic. It may not be easy, but once you detach from your desire to be with the person, it’s much more likely that the situation will become more clear to you and what is meant to be will unfold naturally.

Copyright (c) 2010 Stephen Petullo

John Marcotte of Sacramento has received approval to begin collecting signatures for a ballot measure that would ban divorce in California.

John says he was inspired by last year’s voter approved ban on gay marriage. He calls his campaign the 2012 California Marriage Protection Act.

The campaign appears to be a gag and an attempt to poke fun at those who voted to ban gay marriage.

Mr. Marcotte’s bio on his site states the following:

“RescueMarriage.org is the brain-child of concerned Christian and political activist John Marcotte, who felt strongly that Prop 8 did not go far enough in protecting traditional marriage. With the help of attorneys and friends, Marcotte is attempting to ban divorce in the State of California.”

Their PSA #2 here http://rescuemarriage.org/2009/10/13/2010-california-marriage-protection-act-psas/ takes some funny jabs at marriage and divorce.

Outlawing divorce would probably never happen, but if it did, what would be the result? Considering how males often get shafted due to the U.S. court system greatly favoring women in divorce cases, this could be a wonderful thing for single, young men; it would encourage even the most romantically delusional to wait until later in life to get married. I would hope that such a law would also inspire more couples to wait- a long time- to make sure they’re compatible enough before making it permanent. There is rarely a good reason to rush into marriage.

Copyright (c) 2010 Stephen Petullo

Almost everyone hopes and strives for a long-term relationship, but few are ever able to find and cement a mutually satisfying, compatible bond that lasts the rest of their lives. Those who place great importance on the fantasy of permanent, romantic bliss may see this as a tragedy, but we believe that’s an erroneous, dysfunctional perspective.

Short-term relationships end for various
reasons, including people changing and
evolving or regressing at different rates over
time, the shattering of illusions resulting in
broken alliances, and “good” and “bad”
love karma and personal timing: most
connections, we have discovered in our
work, have destined beginning and ending
times.

There are many reasons couples stay
together for longer periods of time, but we’ve
found, generally, that there are four main
categories of people who seek or remain in
a longer-term relationship, which include
three terrible reasons for doing so.

1) Singles seeking financial security or
couples who can’t afford to break up yet. It’s
common for couples to remain together
because creating a second household would
be too expensive. The divorce rate during the
recent economic downturn has decreased,
and reduced incomes is the number one
reason.

All facades aside, financial security as the
primary motivation for entering a relationship
makes the connection a business relationship,
not a love relationship. Adherents to the
traditional American marriage model and
those with a sense of entitlement deny it and
express outrage when we point it out, but this
sort of arrangement is essentially matrimonial
prostitution. Please note, we believe how
anyone chooses to live their love life is their
business (not the government’s, and not
society’s), unless they are being dishonest
and, or using or abusing someone. We’re
just calling it like we see it.

2) Those who are afraid of change, being
single or alone, or are seeking happiness
outside of themselves. These types will
wait it out until they are forced to change, or
they will end up feeling alone and isolated,
even while in a relationship, because of their
fear.

3) Those who feel a marriage or long-term
relationship is a requirement to be a good
parent. Unfortunately, a bad relationship will
take the focus off a child and all will suffer in
the process. Because of this, we recommend
a child contract (which protects the child
along with the primary caretaker) instead of
a marriage contract.

4) And finally, most couples get married
assuming they have what it takes to remain
together, but then realize months or years
later they lack the most important element,
which happens to be metaphysically oriented:
The good love karma of their predestined life
circumstances that allows them to experience,
for the most part, a harmonious, happy, long-
term relationship. We estimate this is only
about 15% of the population.

Is there something wrong with you if you
don’t experience a rewarding longer-term or
life-long relationship? It’s easy to think so if
you get caught up in what you are “supposed
to do” as a “normal” member of society.

Great importance is placed on life-long
relationships. This is unfortunate since
everyone has many soul mates and what is
learned from a relationship is more important
than its duration. Just because it ended
doesn’t mean it “failed.”

If you aren’t involved in an ideal, longer-term
relationship, don’t fret. Perceptions and
expectations about the way love lives
“should” be cause more misery than almost
any other issue.

Instead of comparing yourself with those who
seem to have what you’d like (remember,
appearances can be very deceiving) and
generating regret and despair, accept where
you are, be grateful for all you have such as
relationships with friends and family, learn to
love yourself and occasional solitude, and
refuse to buy into romantic fairytales.

Copyright (c) 2010 Stephen Petullo and
Scott Petullo

I know what some of you are thinking. You feel that very rich men or women can afford to pay their exes huge sums.

Tiger Woods is rumored to be paying Elin Nordegren a $100M settlement (the other rumored amount of $750M is false, as that would be most of Mr. Wood’s net worth).

Paul McCartney handed over $50M.

Michael Jordan paid out $168M.

Madonna paid Guy $76M.

Kevin Costner dished out $80M.

Steven Spielberg was relieved of $100M.

Harrison Ford paid his ex $85M.

Mick Jagger paid Jerry Hall $25M.

Neil Diamond was forced to pay $150M.

Yes, they’re all very rich and they can afford to pay out large sums to exes, but in my opinion, that’s beside the point.

If a partner has substantially contributed to the fortune, then of course they should be compensated, relative to their contributions. If they contributed half the effort to build the net worth, then they should receive half of the money.

But if all she did was shop, have lunch with her friends, oversee the nannies and housekeeper, and get her hair and nails done, or all he did was watch sports on TV and play poker with his buddies, why should they be rewarded with millions?

If they were raising children, they should be reasonably compensated. Child support is necessary.

If they were not raising kids, they had plenty of time to create their own career.

Of course Elin Nordegren should get child support. But she’s getting that in addition to her (alleged) $100M alimony settlement. Would her career as a nanny have earned her $100M if she had not given it up to marry Tiger? Hardly. Does she “deserve” $100M because Tiger cheated on her? Before you answer that, consider that it’s been reported she knew very well, before marrying Tiger, that he is not the monogamous type and we don’t know how she was behaving after they married. For all we know, Tiger may have discovered that she married him for money.

Side note: Even if you’re worth little on the day of your marriage, you still need a prenuptial agreement. A marriage contract, a legally binding agreement, is a business agreement, after all, so it makes good sense to approach it as such. Is having a prenup like expecting your marriage to end in divorce? Maybe for some, but it’s still a good idea because you really don’t know how your partner will react years from now if they are not getting what they feel they need or deserve. You also don’t know how they will change.

Are women or men who demand huge alimony payouts, if they didn’t directly help build the financial fortune, gold digging opportunists? Perhaps, in some cases, they are exactly what they appear to be.

Copyright (c) 2010 Stephen Petullo