HowIsYourLoveLife.com

Whether you’re thinking about traveling a long distance to meet a new internet romantic interest, or want to know more about a potential employee, a recent article on PCWorld.com gives some basic tips about how to be your own detective.

One of the first things you should do is a google or Bing search. The article lists two services that can help you get more in-depth information.

Another important screening tool is a webcam. You won’t be able to determine in-person chemistry from a video chat, but at least you’ll get an idea of their appearance and personality. If one of you doesn’t have a webcam, try an internet cafe. If a potential romantic interest refuses to do a video chat, especially if they are states or countries away, it’s a bad sign and may indicate they’re hiding something.

The article doesn’t mention it’s critical to realize that if you spend weeks or months emailing, chatting or talking before meeting, there’s a good chance you’ll regret it when you finally meet in-person. Why? Because mutual compatibility and chemistry are very rare, it’s too easy to project romantic hopes and fantasies onto someone before meeting, and you can only determine if there’s real chemistry by meeting in-person and compatibility if you spend a lot of time together. Moral of the story? Since most long distance connections are more about fantasy than reality and go nowhere, date locally or consider long distance contacts nothing more than friends.

If you’d like to know much more about a potential romantic interest or hire, personality and compatibility assessment by Scott Petullo is highly recommended: www.ScottPetullo.com. My intuitive readings will also give you more insight and save you time and possible heartache: http://www.holisticmakeover.com/Readings.htm.

Copyright (c) 2010 Stephen Petullo

For the entire PCWorld article, click here:
http://www.pcworld.com/article/199402/how_to_scope_someone_out_online.html

Even God thinks getting married at a young age is a bad idea.

http://content.usatoday.com/communities/ondeadline/post/2010/06/woman-killed-by-lightning-as-boyfriend-prepared-to-propose-/1?csp=obnetwork

According to Jennifer Baker of the Forest Institute of Professional Psychology in Springfield, Missouri, the divorce rate for first marriages is 50%. 67% of second marriages and 74% of third marriages end in divorce.

According to Wikipedia http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Divorce_rate, “Divorce demography is the measurement of the frequency of marriage and divorce. It is most commonly measured in three different ways: the current marriage to current divorce ratio, the crude divorce rate, and the refined divorce rate.^“

“The current marriage to current divorce ratio measures the divorce rate by comparing the number of marriages to the number of divorces in a given year. For example, if there are 500 divorces and 1,000 marriages in a given year in a given area, the ratio would be one divorce for every two marriages. However, this measurement compares two unlike populations. Say there exists a community with 100,000 married couples, and very few people capable of marriage, for reasons such as age. If 1,000 people obtain divorces and 1,000 people get married in the same year, the ratio is one divorce for every marriage, which may lead people to think that the community’s relationships are extremely unstable, despite the number of married people not changing. This is also true in reverse: a community with very many people of marriageable age may have 10,000 marriages and 1,000 divorces, leading people to believe that it has very stable relationships.”

“The crude divorce rate is the number of divorces per 1,000 population. It can give a general overview of marriage in an area, but it does not take people who cannot marry into account. For example, it would include young children who are clearly not of marriageable age in its sample. The refined divorce rate measures the number of divorces per 1,000 women married to men, and is the better of the three measurement methods.”

Wikipedia lists the crude divorce rate for the U.S. as 3.6. However, this does not include California’s divorce rate, which is estimated to be between 69 to 83 percent, nor does it include the unions of couples that are not recognized by the current marriage laws.

Michael Norton, a Professor from Harvard, has found that unrealistic expectations cause online daters to be be disappointed much of the time.

Norton’s research findings indicate that the average person using the internet to meet people spends 5.2 hours per week searching and 6.7 hours per week reading and writing emails resulting in a poor date that lasts less than one hour.

The high expectations, he says, are based upon their date’s profile information and their communication before meeting. Too often the face-to-face meeting is quite different.

The professor suggests that virtual (online) dating may help keep expectations in check, leading to better first dates.

Perhaps, but the success of a first date really comes down to face-to-face chemistry. It’s either there, or it isn’t, and unfortunately, you can’t determine this online or by phone. Chatting by video before meeting, however, does help to determine if there may be an in-person connection worth pursuing.

High expectations are also due to romantic illusions, which are promoted heavily in romantic movies, matchmaking and bride TV shows, and other ways. We recommend taking a different approach, as outlined in our free report,13 Traps You Must Avoid for a Happy Love Life: http://www.howisyourlovelife.com/howisyourIndex.htm.

Read the professor’s entire research paper here:
http://www.people.hbs.edu/mnorton/frost%20chance%20norton%20ariely.pdf

Robin Simon, PhD, a professor at Wake Forest, and Anne Barrett, PhD, of FSU, studied the emotional reactions of 1,611 unmarried adults between the ages of 18 and 23.

They conclude that the harmful stress of a roller-coaster relationship is more likely to affect the mental health of young men than young women. The main reason they give for this is that young men see their romantic partners as their primary source of intimacy, while young women are more likely than men to have close relationships with friends and family.

This was a surprise to the researchers because, “The public assumes men are strong and don’t care about these things, and that’s simply not the case.”

The article didn’t mention one very likely reason why rocky relationships are harder for men: Boys and men in our society have, in more recent years, been trained to be doormats for women. A man is supposed to put the woman’s needs and wants first. What would be better for the man isn’t as important.

They also fail to point out that at that age 18-23, young adults are much more likely to expect their relationships to mirror romantic fairy-tales. When they find otherwise, it’s traumatic for them. Teens and young adults are unfortunately encouraged to take an unrealistic and emotionally unhealthy approach with their love lives. We cover these romantic illusions in our free report: 13 traps you must avoid for a happy love life http://www.howisyourlovelife.com/howisyourIndex.htm.

Read the entire article here:

http://men.webmd.com/news/20100611/rocky-relationships-harder-for-men

Before committing to a life together, couples would help themselves tremendously by seriously considering who they really are (aside from all the societal programming and conditioning), why they are here on Earth, and what it is that their higher selves (souls) have chosen to experience. Graphology, meditation, and regression therapy are effective ways to know the who and comprehensive astrology and numerology open the door to the what and why.

Click here for the full article: http://www.holisticmakeover.com/July8th2005.htm.

For more information about meditation and regression therapy, click here: http://www.holisticmakeover.com.

For more information about comprehensive graphology, astrology, and numerology, click here: http://www.scottpetullo.com.

Many in the media are expressing shock and sadness about the news of the Gores’ split. An article in the Los Angeles Times reads, “The idea that the Gores represented some kind of marital ideal, that their union offered a beacon of hope to those who aspire to make it to their silver anniversary or beyond, seems to be a major thread. Rebecca Traister of Salon allowed that there were more pressing matters in the headlines but that she was nonetheless ‘unexpectedly gutted’ by the news of the Gore split.”

I know this is going to be seen as cynical by those I call the “fairytale marriage delusionists,” but just because a couple is still married doesn’t mean the marriage wasn’t over a long time ago. Anyone who assumed the Gores, or any other couple for that matter, had a happy marriage just because of appearances was buying into romantic ideals and fooling themselves.

Al and Tipper were very young when they got married, too young to really know themselves well enough to begin a life-long relationship. Later, they likely felt more pressure to stay together than the average couple due to Al’s career in politics.

Their infamous kiss on stage during the 2000 presidential election should have been a clue that their marriage wasn’t all that it seemed; it looked very forced and uncomfortable.

Copyright (c) 2010 Stephen Petullo

http://www.latimes.com/news/opinion/commentary/la-oe-daum-gore-20100603,0,2826169.column

Jacqueline Getty is seeking $1 million a month spousal support from oil heir Peter Getty. She is requesting that the court order her soon-to-be ex-husband to pay her enough money that would “allow her to live a reasonable and comfortable lifestyle that is at or close to the lifestyle” that they enjoyed when they were married. They had no children together and Peter supported a daughter she had with another man.

If a man or a woman helps his or her spouse create and grow a business or career, and, or maintains the home and raises the kids while he or she is working, certainly he or she is entitled to reasonable financial support if they divorce.

But what did Jacqueline do, besides enjoying a lavish lifestyle, that makes her entitled to such a big payout? What exactly did she bring to the table? Is she unable to work and earn money on her own?

Since women want equality, what is she going to give him in the divorce settlement? Sex that will be “at or close to” the amount and quality he enjoyed when they were married?

Unmarried men are generally less interested in getting to the alter than unmarried women. Why? Let’s be honest; it’s because men generally have more to lose in the long run. Likewise, over 70% of divorces are initiated by women. Why? Because they have more to gain.

Fortunately, the divorce laws in the USA protect women much more than in decades past. However, verdicts are now routinely unfair for men. Yet another reason to wait until much later in life to get married, if at all.

Copyright (c) 2010 Stephen Petullo

Read the entire ABC news article here: http://abcnews.go.com/Entertainment/Media/getty-oil-heir-gordan-peter-getty-bitter-divorce/story?id=10771423

Steve the matchmaker from VH1’s Tough Love Couples usually has great advice and is a pro at getting his clients to face and work through their love life roadblocks.

His judgment is usually spot on, but I have a major problem with how he perpetuates romantic fantasies (that, like sugar, can give you a temporary high, but in excess will lead to suffering) and seems to see traditional marriage as the paramount option for everyone.

Christina and Mario, a couple on the show, struggle mainly because Mario is only 22 and CLEARLY isn’t ready for or interested in strict, life-long monogamy (and there’s nothing wrong with that, contrary to what Steve implies, as long as Mario would be honest about it). Then there’s the issue about why Christina would pick someone who is not the monogamous type or ready for marriage, but they don’t focus on that.

Steve implies to Mario and the other couples that anything other than settling down now is immature and irresponsible and forces them to decide between together-forever or breaking up. “All or nothing.” They are being pushed into marriage by Steve the matchmaker because “it’s the right thing to do.”

Surely Steve is aware of the fact that divorce is much more likely when you get married too young, not to mention for men who are not the monogamous types and are bullied into making a life-long commitment that they will eventually regret.

Encouraging someone like Mario to marry at such a young age is irresponsible, absurd, and archaic.

What Steve should have done is told Mario that he’s too young to enter a “forever” and strictly monogamous relationship. Mario is too inexperienced in life to take a stand, take his power back, be true to himself, and admit he’s not yet (and perhaps won’t be until much later in life, if ever) ready to be a one woman man.

Instead, Steve ignores reality and panders to the romantic fantasy true-believers. It doesn’t always have to be “all or nothing.” It’s time to look beyond the programming and accept each relationship as it really is instead of what “should” be.

In our research, we’ve found that most relationships are not meant to be the romantic ideal or life-long (even if you get married and stay together). Steve’s clients would greatly benefit from more up-to-date marriage advice instead of being fed the usual idealistic and outdated notions, which can work for a short time, but eventually they’ll be forced to face reality.

If Christina wanted a traditional marriage, she should have accepted Mario as he was and let him go.  But since they got caught up in the illusion and made the plunge, in part so he could “keep” her, Mario will eventually be miserable and very possibly will or want to “cheat.”

Copyright (c) 2010 Stephen Petullo

http://www.vh1.com/shows/tough_love_couples/series.jhtml

A Nielsen poll has found that about 25% of adults have tried internet dating. Only 16% of those who have tried internet dating found a long-term relationship, and only 8.9% had married.

Considering that there are hundreds of popular online dating sites, and that many of them promise or imply lasting love, the percentage of people who actually find it is extremely low!

This is another indication that even when you have more options, a long-term, compatible relationship is not going to happen until or unless it’s destined for you. More information about love timing and an article we wrote about the topic is here: http://www.holisticmakeover.com/Feb20th2004.htm

This poll was taken in Australia, but the numbers are probably similar in the USA. Read the entire article here: http://www.smh.com.au/technology/technology-news/one-in-four-adults-finds-mate-online-20100416-skjk.html